While maintaining any semblance of privacy in the digital era may sometimes seem impossible, it can be particularly challenging for couples going through a divorce.

Spouses may reveal intimate details as a way of contesting decisions made during the proceedings, or to aggravate the situation out of negative intention, but if you’re still living under the same roof throughout the breakup, it can be a truly devastating breach of trust.

With that in mind, this guide will give you the practical skills needed to maintain your privacy and keep the peace as much as possible while your divorce is being finalized.

Consider mediation

Not all divorces need to take place in a courtroom, and mediation can enable you and your partner to go through the process without a record of the proceedings being made public knowledge.

Mediation is a useful tool in helping you to develop skills in communication, empathy and understanding - like an emotional intelligence boot camp. Meaning you’ll be better at handling your feelings and navigating through the emotional whirlwind of a divorce.

Change your passwords

Whether you have joint accounts with your ex-partner, or they know your passwords for your own accounts, it’s important to change them to something private if you want to keep access solely to yourself. This goes for social media accounts, email platforms, PayPal or bank accounts and more.

Consider switching any security questions to something only you would know too, to help protect your assets during the divorce and any sensitive information to prevent anyone from gaining access.

If they’re familiar with how you normally set your passwords, make sure you change them to something that your ex can’t guess or work out for added protection.

You should also disable any automatic logins or saved passwords on your laptop or computer, and disable the autofill function.

Protect your social media

It’s not uncommon for so much of our information to be accessible online now, especially with social media, and it’s all too easy for people to gain images or details you may not want to fall into the wrong hands.

We have a sense of ‘compulsory trust’ in technology since it forms such an integral part of our lives now, but during a divorce, you need to be on your guard.

In difficult cases, your ex-spouse may leak sensitive data for purposes such as ransomware or other cyberattacks that can make accessing your own information or accounts incredibly difficult and costly.

Make sure you filter through your friends and block people who could turn against you, and even consider deactivating your accounts until the divorce is finalized to prevent the risk of accidentally revealing information.

Secure your documents

If you share cloud accounts with your ex, backup your files, be it photographs, audio files, or work documents. You can then open up a separate account and transfer your information to this, deleting it from the previous account so it can’t be accessed by anyone but yourself.

It’s also a good idea to take copies of any physical documents so you can save the scanned images and then shred the paper copies. Can’t get rid of them? Keep them stored in a lockbox or safe at home and keep it locked.

This whole process will help to sharpen your organization skills, improve your tech savviness, and teach you how to protect your personal space and privacy for the future.

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Switch to a new number

Your mobile phone can reveal much more information than you might realize, so it’s worth switching your plan to a new phone and number so that you have greater control over who has access to you.

Keep in mind that if your ex is listed on the account, they have a right to see the related records, so moving to a new account or provider can reduce the risk of this and prevent them from gaining access to any details and records of calls.

Practice discretion in conversations

It’s normal to confide in people when you’re going through a tough time like a divorce, but you still need to be careful about what you share with others.

Any drama around your divorce only fuels the fire and makes it harder to manage the conflict, not only with your ex but also with those who know you mutually.

A good skill to practice is keeping personal information to yourself and politely informing others that you don’t wish to discuss the topic if they ask. This will help sharpen your discretion, boosts your boundary-setting skills, and keeps future headaches at bay, giving you some peace of mind.

The less you share with others, the fewer complications you need to worry about in the future, which can help to put your mind at ease.

Check for spyware

Spyware is a form of software that is installed on your phone or computer and there are various forms of it, used to monitor the content of emails, both incoming and outgoing, as well as texts and web searches.

It can be a true attack on your privacy and it is also illegal to use it to spy on your spouse’s computer or phone. So, if you suspect that you are being spied on in any way, it’s important to check in with your divorce lawyer and seek their advice on how to proceed.

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Final thoughts

Going through a divorce is tough on both partners, even when the split is amicable, and it can be even harder if you’re still living under the same roof as your ex.

From changing passwords and backing up your data to working with a third party to prevent the details of your divorce from becoming public knowledge, these are a few ways you can retain your privacy during such an emotionally turbulent time.

Use this time to ground yourself and develop the skills that we've outlined in this guide. Emotional intelligence will be your secret weapon as you navigate this difficult period. Helping you emerge stronger, more organized, and ready to face what's next with your head held high.

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